Year of Cosplay 2018

Good morning!

The clock keeps ticking and somehow 2018 is already almost past us, how?? Like, I swear every new year feels shorter than the one before it and it's just... extremely anxiety-inducing when you're one of those depressed people who feel like you haven't really achieved anything in your life, rip.

I have really mixed feelings about this year on the cosplay front, but before we get to that I'll do the traditional list of what conventions I attended during 2018:

Okamicon - Sundsvall, Sweden

Kummacon - Oulu, Finland

Närcon - Linköping, Sweden

Chibicon - Oulu, Finland

Skecon - Skellefteå, Sweden

That's 5 cons, even less than last year's personal lowest at 6. I've been feeling like I'm falling out of it, like it's not as enjoyable going to cons as it used to be. The magic and the passion isn't there and I mainly just feel uncomfortable and anxious if I dress up and that kills me as I used to love cosplaying. It's a chore to put on a costume and I feel devastated when I only get ugly photos, if any at all. :( I think I long for something new and different, along with getting to feel better about myself. Not even lying but this year has been horrible regarding my mental health and of course it naturally bleeds into my hobbies and yeah, cosplay isn't an exception. And it didn't help that I lost a dear family member too.

2018 is still notable though because on January I finished my biggest and most badass challenging cosplay prop to date, the Eldaora's Taus from MH4U and I'm really proud of it, even though I could have made it more detailed etc if I wasn't on limited time and resources. I don't think I'll surpass it anytime soon, at least not in the prop department. I definitely want to make more Monster Hunter props and this one gave me a good taste of what it's like to do huge cosplay weapons.

Regarding cosplays I've only worn three costumes to cons, which at least is good in the sense that they were all new cosplays being debuted for the first time, even though two of them I had finished already long before the con. ^^" When I think about it I believe this is the first year on which I haven't recycled a single costume. I did two other cosplays too but those were for review purposes and stay undebuted for now, so I can't really count those as proper photoshoots, which means I haven't done a single photoshoot this year. Ouch.

...

...

...

You know what's coming. 

I'm in this kind of cosplay decline on which I feel bad wearing costumes out to cons and I don't feel inspired to make cosplays but I still want new cosplays and good photos of them, ya know? I'm so conflicted, lmao. I also keep thinking that to ignite that passion again I would need to try something refreshing – either go to cons in new countries or start competing or something else that would change the pattern up, as I feel like I've seen everything and it's becoming too repetitive at cons. Also, it concerns me that I'd rather go casual than dress up in cosplay as I can't be bothered and feel too uncomfortable for a myriad of reasons, probably half in my head only but my anxiety has skyrocketed over the past couple years and I just can't act nor think like before. I'm beating myself up over almost everything and I hate how I look in my cosplays – there, I said it.

Here's a little list of what I wore at the cons I attended this year:

Okamicon: I wore my shiny Mightyena gijinka (Pokémon) on Saturday for a short time between my work hours. Otherwise I was in workwear.

Kummacon: Casual, no regrets.

Närcon: No cosplay on Thursday but changed into Hotaru (Samurai Deeper Kyo) on Friday evening once the worst heat had passed. On Saturday I wore Team Aqua Grunt (Pokémon) on the evening to avoid the heat again and on Sunday I only had breakfast at the con and then left.

Chibicon: I was geeky casual and part of the work force.

Skecon: No cosplay as I worked and had a worker t-shirt.

If I have to pick a favorite con for the year it would be Närcon. That's where I wore my two "proper" cosplays for this year, both which I finished years ago but only got to debut now. I'm happy with both costumes, except that Hotaru needs some slight fixing, but I lack photos of both. I generally had fun at Närcon and I even occasionally had that fuzzy con feeling going on, which was nice to remember what it felt like. Only sad thing was that I went there alone and because I'm so awkward at approaching people I did sometimes feel like I was a bit... lonely. It's just not the same thing when you don't have your squad with you, or at least someone you feel safe with. But yeah, I still say that Närcon was the best con this year for me, followed by Skecon or Kummacon.

~~~

Wow, this is such a depressing read but honestly, I can't always hold up the happy facade. I just simply don't feel good at all and cosplaying is another stress factor for me right now when it should be something relaxing and fun. :( I sometimes think that what I really need is to do cosplay groups with friends again, to feel that unity and camaraderie – I feel like I've been doing solo stuff for a long time now and while it's cool to not be bound to all the things that come with group planning I still feel like I need my friends, probably more than ever right now.

And before I end this post I want to thank all my friends who are still there, readers and everyone else who visits my blog – I hope you all have enjoyed your time reading my ramblings. Thank you so much for staying with me, like really I mean it. I'm gonna try to activate myself again.

Bye bye & Happy New Year 2019!