Messy thoughts about cosplay and shifting interests

Hello folks!

I've thought about making this blog post for a long time now but never really got around to it. I'm currently stuck with the flu for the second time this month and figured, as I have nothing else to really post well I do have like fifteen WIP drafts from years back but ssch, no one knows that now is the perfect time to get this out of my system. I'm gonna apologize in advance because this will most likely get long and all over the place so yeah, you've been warned.

Let's go!

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So basically I've been feeling that my interest in cosplay has been dwindling since the last couple years or more. I don't know when exactly it started but I sure know that being locked out of my MyAnimeList account for more than two years did add to it – yes, I only got access back on September this year and that means that I quite literally did not watch any anime in two years as it bothers me like hell if I can't keep tabs on what I'm watching. The weird part is that during this off time I came to notice that I had no real, compelling urge to watch anime nor did I really grow any kind of fomo (fear of missing out) about new series. I didn't read any manga either, save for one exception which was a one-shot, so I don't really count that. And even though my account is back now I still haven't felt like watching anything, even though my "plan to watch" list is very long...

All of this made it so that I started feeling like I had somehow grown out of the "weeb phase" and I felt really weird about it. Like being this anime and manga nerd has been my thing for so long, a big part of my identity. But it just doesn't click as much as before, I don't feel the same excitement when new series are revealed etc and I feel like I should sell a lot of my previously hoarded anime merchandise. When I look at my 40 odd something Bleach mangas I feel a strong urge to sell them at the next best con, lol.
Even my future cosplay list feels like it's in need of an overhaul... and when I look at said cosplay list I realize that almost all the characters left are from video games or western sources like movies. And that's when it hit me.

Maybe my interests are shifting from anime and manga cosplays to video games, fantasy and movies?

It's not really that I don't feel like cosplaying from anime/manga or that I would be "growing out of it" (whatever that means) but I have been having these specific thought demons that have been getting more and more loud as the years have passed. We can start by asking y'all – I'm pretty sure no one has missed how I've done very few, if any, new costumes these past years, right? While there's many reasons that contribute to it the main thing is a combination of lack of money and a lack of energy and motivation hello mental illness my old friend. Now, with manga and anime there's a neverending stream of series available (it's overwhelming!) and I don't know if it's just me or not but I tend to lose interest in series that I have finished really fast. Alarmingly fast, in fact. Like most times as soon as I start watching a new anime I will almost completely drop interest in the previous one, unless I had a particularly strong emotional connection to it. And even then it's unstable for long-time commitment.
It's not uncommon that by the time my ordered wig arrives for a character that, umm, I've already dropped the idea to cosplay said character in favor of something else. And now I have a random wig lying around, which isn't too bad... until there's like over twenty of them in all colors of the rainbow and you sit there and realize how much money you wasted on them. So there I am, with a hole in my wallet and I feel how the dread of "what am I gonna do with all of these things?" slowly kicks in. I could have used all that money for a costume that I would actually wear.

Wigs en masse.

After several of my "what am I doing with my life" ponderings I came to realize that what my remaining cosplay candidates had in common was that they all, more or less, were somehow either related to my childhood or to video games that I've played for a long time. Examples would be characters like Shin Kazama from Area 88, which is an anime/manga but I knew it as a Super Nintendo game from my childhood first – and that's why interest hasn't dropped even if the costume is on ice right now. Other examples would be Pokémon and Monster Hunter. I still want to do an armor set to match my Eldaora's Taus Hunting Horn and I have several Pokémon gijinkas that I designed years ago that I still want to do (although some need redesigns).

The point is that I feel like investing into a video game or "western" cosplay right now is a safer option for me. Many movies are popular and achieve cult/classic status years after their release (note: I'm not saying that anime don't do it!), with super strong and dedicated fanbases and I honestly would, in my current mindset, be a lot more inspired and comfortable to make a Lord of the Rings costume over let's say a Fruits Basket cosplay. I enjoy both of course but I feel like I've hit a stale point with anime cosplays and I want to try discovering new ground and fandoms that I only lightly stepped into before. It's a bit the same thing how I've been growing more and more interested in trying live-action roleplay and Dungeons & Dragons.
And I guess working at a cinema and noticing how several of my friends have been turning more and more towards embracing their western popculture roots is affecting me too – after all, cosplay is almost always more enjoyable with friends. I'm seriously longing for Pirates of the Caribbean groups, Harry Potter groups and Disney and Pixar groups! 
I feel like it's more important than ever right now for me to connect back to my childhood and teenage years because that's what gives me motivation to actually start and finish a cosplay, not just the "flavor of the season" anime that dies as suddenly as it came. I really need that extra burst to get anything done right now because I've been stuck in a horrible depression spiral for years now and any progress is good progress at this point.
Not to mention that I'm convinced that any western fandom cosplays I make will last me a lot longer and thus I won't feel so much dread and anguish over only wearing a cosplay once or twice and then feeling like "it's so yesteryear" or worrying that my friends will lose interest before I do. The thing is that I honest to god can't afford single-wear costumes because my economy is really bad and it stresses me the fuck out every day I'm alive so yeah, every costume counts and has to be worth every penny – and preferably be rewearable, aka inspiring to wear, for a long time. I feel absolute shit over unfinished costumes still lingering in my closet, especially because I know that I'm unlikely to ever get some of them done, not gonna lie.

Also, I've noticed that I don't have as much fun as I want to believe that I have when I go to cons alone. Heck, most times I haven't even been able to arse myself to cosplay when I'm going solo. I really need to be surrounded by friends to thrive and not fall into a pit of very loud anxiety. So hey, if any of my friends are reading this then let's plan something together for 2020?

tl;dr - I've lost that excitement for cosplay since years back and I'm slowly realizing that maybe it's not that I'm "growing out of it" as much as it is that my interests are changing from eastern to western pop culture and fandoms. I need to embrace my favorite video games and movies because those are the ones that are likely to keep me interested and motivated through the whole project – and the risk of losing interest after wearing the costume once or twice is minimal. Peace of mind, saved money and nostalgy. Win-win.

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I'm probably forgetting to mention like one hundred things but hey, I have the flu so my brain is not the most present. I might follow this up with another thoughts and reflections style post? 

Please do note that this is not a "I will not do/wear any anime or manga cosplays ever again" exclamation, far from it! I will still do them but right now I really feel like I need to move away for a moment and dig on the other side of the trench, to refind that happiness and motivation which made cosplay fun in the first place.

Thank you for reading these messy ramblings, if anyone did. Have you had similar thoughts? I'd love to hear your stories!

~ Shiro Samurai out.