December 31, 2015

Year of Cosplay 2015

Hello there ~

I seriously have no idea where this year went... but what I know though is that it's been one of my weaker cosplay years and that's by miles I attended fewer events than what I've done since I started and yeah, I did very little cosplaying too; to a good lot of cons I didn't even cosplay and well, if I did it was for a very short time. I don't really know but I have something going on right now that I feel really uncomfortable, worried and self-conscious when cosplaying and it really drags down the mood and magic out of it. :/ It's making me sad that it has become like this when dressing up used to be my escape something fun and relieving. It's like I still have the cravings and excitement to make cosplays (my cosplay list is ever-expanding!) but as soon as I'm dressed up I don't want to be seen by anyone, lol. I feel so conflicted about this and I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to enjoy cosplaying the same way I used to; there's too much shit going on in my head that I can't really control.

Regarding the blog itself though you all must have noticed by now that this year the amount of circle lens reviews has skyrocketed – and it's a staying addition to my blog. ;) So yeah, I hope you all don't mind the reviews too much because I decided to do to them on my cosplay blog instead of my Lifestyle blog, even though they would technically had fit in the latter just as well. My main reason for the blog choice is that many cosplayers, me included, use circle lenses first-hand for cosplay purposes and yes, that's why I started using them. While I do use lenses for fashion wear as well I thought that the cosplay blog would be a better choice it has a lot more visibility and traffic than my personal blog etc. 
But hey, regarding the heightened amount of circle lens review during the years I want to tell you guys how big the change is! You see, on 2013, when I started using circle lenses, I only reviewed (and thus used) 3 pairs. On 2014 I reviewed 5 pairs – a slight increase. And now, on 2015, everything exploded and I reviewed a whopping 22 pairs!! Yes, the number almost five-doubled since last year! I've done at least one lens review per month during the whole year, except for December. :3 Oh and yeah, the number is likely to go up in future years too, as I have a shitlot of lenses waiting to be opened and reviewed... ~

Oh well, let's go back to what I typically post about on the cosplay year summary. Yes, it's the convention list ahead! (aka what cons I attended this year)

Desucon Frostbite - Lahti, Finland
Kemin Mangapäivä - Kemi, Finland
Kummacon - Oulu, Finland
Skecon - Skellefteå, Sweden
Närcon - Linköping, Sweden
Nerdcon - Umeå, Sweden
Kitacon - Kemi, Finland

Yeah, that's all. Only 7 events and of which three can be considered "local events"; I just didn't feel like traveling long distances because, well, even though I wanted to meet friends and all it didn't feel worth it to spend so much money when I wouldn't be enjoying myself enough. I've just been really self-conscious and kinda anxious this whole year and yeah, cosplay is sort of acting as a catalyst and makes it worse, when it used to help lift me up... *sob*
In some way I feel like I'm letting people and especially my friends down, even though I guess few would actually feel that way it's most probably just in my head, lol. It's frustrating because I have like 9483289538989 cosplay plans and I'm always excited about coming up with new characters to cosplay but as soon as I'm in costume I look in the mirror and see a potato staring back at me. It's like I always tell myself that it's gonna be alright, when I'm in costume at an event, and then there's still always something eating away at me.

This is really tearing me down and it's the reason I've actually just gone to conventions, in my everyday clothes, and noticed that I feel better this way sadly enough. :/ It's weirdly funny because, a few years back, I would never have done it because the main reason I went to conventions was to cosplay (and meet friends who live far away)...

I could even tell you guys about what cons I actually cosplayed at.
If we start in the right order: at Desucon Frostbite I only cosplayed Okita from PeaceMaker Kurogane on Saturday and I felt horrible all along; the other days (Friday and Sunday) I didn't dress up, unless wearing a horse mask counts. During Kemin Mangapäivä I didn't cosplay, mainly because I couldn't be bothered since it's such a small one-day event. At Kummacon, which is a one-day event, I cosplayed from Touken Ranbu and I was feeling sort-of-okay, actually. On Skecon I cosplayed Hajime Saitou from Hakuouki Shinsengumi Kitan and Sasaki Kojirou from Iza, Shutsujin! Koi Ikusa on Friday and Saturday, respectively. On Sunday I didn't dress up but I felt surprisingly okay. When it comes to Närcon, which is a four-day con festival I only cosplayed on Thursday and Saturday, which says a lot because normally on said con I'd do my damnest to cosplay on every single day. I was Kenshin Himura on Thursday and I was feeling pretty awesome because I had good company, but on Saturday I was Falkner from Pokémon and I felt so shit that I changed out of cosplay after just a few hours. During Nerdcon I only did a quick photoshoot run as Ukitake from Bleach on Sunday and immediately changed back to casual after that; I didn't cosplay on Saturday at all. And finally, at one-day Kitacon, I didn't cosplay either.

It's, by the way, really hard to pick a favorite convention of the year since, err, I feel like my experiences have been a bit underwhelming compared to earlier years. This is most likely just because I haven't been feeling my best so yeah, the conventions themselves haven't gotten any worse. It's just me. But if I had to pick a favorite convention for 2015 it would probably be either Nerdcon or Närcon. Nerdcon mainly because I had so freakin' much fun with my friends and Närcon because, even though some things were crap, I still enjoyed the mood and just walking around and chilling was surprisingly upplifting...?

You probably figured by now but I don't have any cool(?) cosplay collage to show you guys because duh, I cosplayed so little that I don't even have much in the name of new photo proof. u_u Yeaaaaaah. I don't even know what to tell about those few cosplays that I did/wore so yeah, sorry I just don't have much to say. ^^; My ratio of new cosplays versus recycling older ones to cons is about fifty-fifty. Next year I'll hopefully be more productive and attend some more events. I also hope that I'll get to work with some new materials and that I can get rid of the whole "I feel uncomfortable" part.

But seriously, I'm sorry about this being such an.. empty and BLEÄÄRGH final summary post of the year. OTL I'll finish by just leaving this here because it sums up this year so well...

Bye bye & Happy New Year 2016!


FankiKitsune said...

2015 on ollu itelläki ja vissii vähän muillaki sellanen vuosi, ettei oo kauheesti cossaillu ja jotenkin mielenkiinto maassa. Ens vuodelle kuitenkin tää korjaantuu! Eiks nii? ;)

Aki Ame Ōkami said...

Hmm... I am really sorry that you seem to have a missing link with your cosplays at the moment. I believe in you! Your blog is fantastic and one of my biggest inspirations to cosplay, sew, blog, write, model and all the crazy stuff that I do. Your confidence is contagious :P I know I can't be much help but if you ever need someone to talk to (Which I am sure you have many people but I just wouldn't feel right if I didn't offer) You can always talk to me :D

~Aki Ame Okami

Jäätynyt Enkeli said...

I think you need a break from cosplay just like I did to get yourself back on your feet and focus on other things. At least I'm happy to hear that you had fun at some cons and well, I can't wait for our next con! :D

Happy New Year bro!

Shiro Samurai said...

Thank you, hearing that really warms my heart! I'm so happy to be an inspiration for you! ♥
I think 2016 will be a better year for me; I'm gonna try to take better care of myself and enjoy even the little things! I'll also try to spend more time with some cos-friends who live near me, hopefully that'll help me get some confidence and happiness back – hanging out together is always more fun than being alone!

Shiro Samurai said...

Joo siis olen itse kans saanut vähän sen kuvan että ei kaikilla 2015 mennyt ihan nappiin, muutama kaveri mukaan lukien. Mutta kyllä mä tästä vielä nousen – 2016 here I come!! 8D

MissLunatic said...

Don't stress yourself, please. If you don't feel comfortable it's utterly Ok. Try to have some new experiences and embrace them (as cheesy as that may sound). Nothing's going to stay the same forever. I think as you already said: Your friends won't bother at all as long as you have fun. Also there is noone but yourself who forces you to post an end of the year summary collage although it's a nice custom. ;)
Maybe things will change though next year.
Although I haven't felt like not cosplaying at a con at all during my entire 7 years of cosplay now (I'd feel strange and as if I missed all the fun), I have to admit I have also felt not in the mood to cosplay. Especially if I was stressed by work or the making process, I felt extremely tired and worn out this year. Plus sometimes it weren't just the right ppl around I could feel incharacter with. And that's something which I value greatly. So sometimes the circumstances are just not perfect or our expectations too high. Plus if you have been to cons for quite some times you start to compare the experiences and simply don't feel as overwhelmed as at your first one. That's a simple truth for everyone. So maybe attending a new convention somewhere without expecting anything might also help.
Or as already suggested I would advise you to take a break. For me it was really refreshing that my last convention was back in September and not in October or later as planned. Atm I'm so excited about what is to come and really flashed and energetic. As also said the break might help you to reflect about it from another perspective (further away) and settle other things which are currently more important.

Besides I really should read your blog more often (except for the lens reviews as I happen to have kind of a phobia ^^''). It really is interesting, I really like when you write about your making process and for others these lens reviews might really come in handy.
Well, hopefully regardless of what you do, I wish you a great year 2016!

Shiro Samurai said...

Thank you for your detailed and thoughtful reply.
Normally I'd never even consider going to a con without cosplaying because yeah, I'd feel like I'm missing out on the fun (just as you said) and it would just feel a bit strange and, well, "naked" lol.
There's probably a lot of underlying reasons why I haven't felt all that okay during 2015 but yeah, I'm still going to a con on February but this one I actually haven't attended in 3 years and they changed their location building this year so yeah, this one's gonna be all old-new and fresh for me; I'm going with awesome company too so I hope this is gonna be an awesome trip that just might give me back that sparkle of going to conventions!

Thank you for commenting, once again. You brought up some good points. :) Looking forward to seeing you around!

Zkitsune said...

Itsellekin vuosi 2015 oli tosi hiljainen cossirintamalla. Mutta nyt uusi vuosi ja energisempi fiilis tekemiseen. ;) Toivottavasti sinäkin saat uuden vuoden myötä cossausintoa takaisin. Sun progress-postaukset on olleet mielenkiintoisia (pitääkin taas aktivoitua horroksesta lukemaan enemmän) ja noi lens-reviewit varmasti auttaa monia ihmisiä, jotka etsii hyviä piilolinssejä. Kiva lisä blogiisi!
Loistavaa uutta vuotta 2016!